I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
