dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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