Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
