I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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