thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
