she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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