Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
