Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
