Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
