I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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