its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
