how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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