Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
