i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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