i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
