Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
