Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
