tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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