Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
