Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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