NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
