My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
