pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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