How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
