What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
