im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
