my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
