Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
