My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
