I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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