I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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