I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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