she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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