So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
