This dress was meant to end up on your floor
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
