I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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