a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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