I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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