I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
