I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so let's talk penis.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
