Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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