She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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