Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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