yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
