When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
