4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
