Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
