ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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