Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
