YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize