I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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