I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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