i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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