This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
