to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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