i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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