girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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