Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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