i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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