Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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