Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
