Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
