The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
should my penis look like a turkey
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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