Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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