Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize