I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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