I am puke
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
