this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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