I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
