Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
