Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
