Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
barbara walters just said penis...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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