alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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