If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
