he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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