Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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