And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
