you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
