I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
