I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
