my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
