Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize