I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
