i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
